Happy Holidays...

Yeah, yeah, I know it's WAY too early to be thinking about anything other than Halloween costumes, candy corn and that sort of thing. But in the world of a procrastinator, if you want to get anything Christmasy related *done*, you better start right around the first day of fall. Especially if you are as picky as I am.

I've blogged before with much wailing and gnashing of teeth about the lamentable state of little boy "fashion". I swore my son would only wear suits and ties and so on. And he does when it counts. Little dude has SUCH an affinity for Thomas the Tank and Uh-QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN (Lighting McQueen to the uninitiated) that in order to stop embarassing meltdown moments in the store, I've caved and bought him some of it. It all started with the unfortunate incident where Little Dude peed himself and his carseat right before grocery shopping at the SuperTarget. I ended up with a diaperclad boy looking desparately for ANYTHING that was cheap and fit. When he saw Uh-QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN it was all over for me. I was desparate and it just snowballed from there.

What does that have to do with Christmas? Well, not a whole lot. However, while I can find a zillion and one licensed shirts, hoodies and shorts, finding a vest and tie for Christmas portraits to be taken October 29th, has been a challenge to say the very least. Especially when I needed LIME GREEN. And shiny. To match the girls' fuschia and purple sparkly dresses. You try finding something THAT specific in Vacation Central where it's still 95 degrees and people are still wearing shorts despite it being "Fall". When you give up like me, you're doomed to make it yourself or go without. It's a good thing that costume fabric is 40% off at JoAnn's. I scored a yard of shiny green satiny polyester that has a nice stiff backing for $6. Enough to make a vest and tie with a bit leftover. But getting fabric was half the battle. You try finding a pattern small enough to fit your 2.5 year old who still wears 12-18 months in most stuff and has had to wear a belt for over a year to keep his britches up. You're in luck because McCalls makes such an item. It comes in size 2-3-4-5. Size 2 is just about perfect. A wee bit loose, but it's a vest so I can safety pin it in the back and be happy. Here's the final product:

OK, so it's not final final since it has no buttons and the tie thingy doesn't have a fastener, but close enough for government work. I have to make a run to the store to find the *perfect* buttons. But I will. And it will be good.

Next up... Halloween Costumes. Because I'm NOT spending over $100 for three costumes made of cheap crap by slave labor in China. I'm just not.

What Not To Wear?

Or rather, how NOT to wear what you ARE wearing. To wit:

Let me begin by saying that I'm an addict frequent shopper of Joann Fabrics. I love them dearly. So when the flyer came in today's mail with the above picture (after I'd just been there this morning), I had a little chuckle.

Let me point out a few things about this that are SO wrong.

1) The blue dress girl looks extremely uncomfortable. I'm not sure if it's the dress or the photographer or the art director or what, but she definitley looks like she'd rather be somewhere else wearing something else. And I don't blame her because...

2) The blue dress is not at ALL suited for her figure/frame/bewbies. It makes her bewbies look like they are being pushed out towards her sides (and not IN to create cleavage). It hits her RIGHT at the knee which is NOT good. Also, the shoulders and waist ruching on that dress maker her look like a behemoth. And she's what? A size 6?

3) The blushing "bride" looks like she has stomach cramps the way she is hunched over. Which also crumples the waist of her dress. Tres fugly, no? I'm pretty sure even a Barbizon graduate would know better than to slump like that.

Going beyond the misfitting dress and the lack of poise/posture of the models, I have to say that cutting off the HAND of one model and the FEET of both just is icky from a photographic standpoint. When it comes to "cutting off" body parts in photography, my memory tells me you do it BETWEEN joints, not ON them. So a correct crop would have been to cut off the legs between the ankles and knees, not directly AT the ankles/shins. But what do I know.

In photography, there is also a "rules of thirds" (nevermind the concept of "leading lines). Imagine, if you will, a tic-tac-toe grid in the viewfinder of your camera next time you go to take a picture. If your subject matter is located at the juncture of the lines almost anywhere within that frame, it will have decent composition. That's a very barebones explanation, but try it sometime and see if you don't see a difference.

Okay, I couldn't help myself. Here's an example of that exact photo with the "rule of thirds" grid applied to it:

So what is right at the junction of the first & second rows/first & second column? Anyone? The waist ruching and bewbies!

Oh and let's not forget the needed space AROUND the subjects to be photographed. Everything needs a little space around it somewhere. It's part of that leading lines thing I mentioned before. Basically, you use the space to draw the eye to what you want to showcase. The idea is that when you first observe a picture (photo, artwork, etc), your eye is drawn to one point and then procedes to the right and then up and over to take in the work as a whole.

In the case of the above example, the FIRST thing my eyes were drawn to was the waist ruching of the blue dress which then led my eyes to the rumpled waist of the bridal gown. From there my eyes were taken the the schlumpy shoulders of the bride and across to the linebacker shoulders of blue dress girl and then to the outboard bewbies and finally BACK to the waist ruching. If that was the effect the photographer/art director/graphic artist/layout person/whomsoever was going for, they nailed it. If not, yeowch.

I just had to edit this and add that apparently when photographing inanimate objects, whoever is responsible does a pretty decent job. I give you:

As you can see, nice composition starting with the "rule of thirds" and a leading line down and to the left. Amazing the difference, no?

Edited once more to add that my mother got a DIFFERENT Joann flyer and apparently the picture was cropped differently for that mailer. OY VEY! It still was bad, though.

Even More WNTW

Why has fashion run so amok that only skinny sticklike figures can find clothes that look ... err ... I hestitate to say "decent", but maybe "hip" will do? I made my Target run last night to pick up my meds and noticed that all the clothes for reasonably youngish women looked like maternity wear from last year. Or at least they would on anyone with an ounce of fat.

Now I'm really comfortable in my skin. My clothes are getting looser (never mind the numbers) and I'm happy with that. I can do tons of push-ups and I lift weights occasionally so I know I'm fairly fit. But I am MORE than disgusted with what I'm finding in the stores. Case in point: Dress Barn. I used to work for DB as an assistant manager back in the day (1996) and back then the QUALITY of their merchandise was exceptional for an off-price retailer. NOW? Fuhgedaboutit. I went in the local DB a week ago today and tried on 15 things. NONE of them fit ~properly~. Properly is the key word. The workmanship on the items was pretty shabby. Fabric was bunched up in seams, padding was not even in two tops, zippers were put in "wrong" so that they BUNCHED (this one is a real no-brainer to do right, actually). And for the prices ($30 for a polyester knit top?) I expected better. I was DO disgusted that when the lady helping me enquired as to how I was doing, I let her know that I was unhappy with the workmanship and would have purchase XYZ except it was poorly made. Whether or not she cares, I don't know. But maybe she'll pass it to her DM (district manager). Or not. It's a dangerous thing, knowing how to sew PROPERLY.

Oh to have time to create my own wardrobe. But that day is coming. When we travel overseas in the winter, I'll be having a custom wardrobe made. I LIVE for this.