Aliens & Lovers

or the controversy known as FoxNews' coverage of the new Xbox 360 game "Mass Effect".

What better way to ring in Valentine's Day than with a little Human/Alien Hot Stuff?

Apparently, FoxNews has stooped to letting their reporters use the internet and personal blogs as source material for their newscasts. Not that the search for the unbiased truth ever was high on the FoxNews priority list recently (Barack Obama a Muslim, anyone?) Anyhow, the following clip shows FoxNews Barbie and her sidekick Armchair Psychiatrist analyzing the new game while SpikeTVs correspondent attempts to set the record straight (poorly, I might add). here's the clip, courtesy of Kotaku.com:

The funny thing is, we rented this game Saturday afternoon, and I've been listening to the Prince Consort play it while I blog, edit videos and do other assorted office-type things. When he brought this story to my attention this evening on the way home from work, my immediate reaction ran along these lines: "WTF are they smoking over at Fox? Are they Ka-Razy? Say WHAT?!?!" Suffice it to say, after having listened to the "alien love" scene, last night and then watching it tonight (and videotaping it for reference), all I can say is... If the girl on fox who wanted this game to be rated AO (Adults Only, equivalent to R/NC17 in a movie theatre) actually WATCHED what the game actually showed, it's far less titilating or problematic than the sex scene between Sawyer and Kate in Season 3 of Lost, or even the sex scene between Sawyer and AnaLucia in Season 1 or 2 (I forget) of Lost. That Sawyer gets around. I LOLed at the description of Mass Effect as "Luke Skywalker Meets Debbie Does Dallas". I mean REALLY people.

If you want to watch a whole BOATLOAD of "sex scenes" from Mass Effect, this YouTube user has 'em all. And they're about as racy as... I dunno. Something rated TVPG-13 or PG-13 in theatres. Seriously, there's a LOT worse stuff out there. This game is rated M for Mature. And unlike it was said in the clip, ratings are not just on the BACK of the box. They are also on the front of selected ones, too. So now, let's get to know our ratings...

Live and direct from http://www.esrb.org/ratings/ratings_guide.jsp come the ESRB Rating Symbols

EARLY CHILDHOOD

Titles rated EC (Early Childhood) have content that may be suitable for ages 3 and older. Contains no material that parents would find inappropriate.

EVERYONE

Titles rated E (Everyone) have content that may be suitable for ages 6 and older. Titles in this category may contain minimal cartoon, fantasy or mild violence and/or infrequent use of mild language.

EVERYONE 10+

Titles rated E10+ (Everyone 10 and older) have content that may be suitable for ages 10 and older. Titles in this category may contain more cartoon, fantasy or mild violence, mild language and/or minimal suggestive themes.

TEEN

Titles rated T (Teen) have content that may be suitable for ages 13 and older. Titles in this category may contain violence, suggestive themes, crude humor, minimal blood, simulated gambling, and/or infrequent use of strong language.

MATURE

Titles rated M (Mature) have content that may be suitable for persons ages 17 and older. Titles in this category may contain intense violence, blood and gore, sexual content and/or strong language.

ADULTS ONLY

Titles rated AO (Adults Only) have content that should only be played by persons 18 years and older. Titles in this category may include prolonged scenes of intense violence and/or graphic sexual content and nudity.

RATING PENDING

Titles listed as RP (Rating Pending) have been submitted to the ESRB and are awaiting final rating. (This symbol appears only in advertising prior to a game's release.)

Now I'm sorry, NO I'M NOT! if you, the (responsible) adult, leave stuff sitting out that you don't want your kids to get to, tough nuts. It's your responsibility as parents.

Why hasn't anyone gone ballistic over Viva Pinata? That game is chock full of fornicating party animals. Don't believe me? Check this out:

After going into their little houses and doing their little "romance dance", those perky pinatas disappear, some hearts appear over the outside of their house and a short while later an egg gets delivered by Storkos. Even my 5 year old gets what this means. And she doesn't even know where babies come from ~really~. Did I mention that Viva Pinata is rated E for Everyone? Don't believe me? Check it out: http://www.xbox.com/en-US/games/v/vivapinata/

Seriously people, it's NOT just teenage boys playing video games. No matter what the "experts" want you to believe, the largest demographic is actually males 18-35. You saw that right. Don't believe me? USA Today reported on this as far back as 2004 and STILL people are pulling the "teenage boys" card. It's getting old FAST. If *I* can Google that information in the space of a nanosecond, then SURELY the powers that be at FauxNews can do the same. Or is USA Today too liberal for them to take seriously? Here's a snippet from the article:

In fact, the average age of game players was 29 and the average age of buyers was 36, with men making up 59% of the playing audience.

and this report from Research and Markets,Guinness Centre, Taylors Lane, Dublin 8, Ireland which includes the following information (among MANY other things):

• Trends in PC Gamer Demographics 2004-2007
• Trends in Console Gamer Demographics 2006-2007 by Age & Gender
• Trends in Online Gamer Demographics 2004-2007 by Age & Gender
• Trends in Console Gamer Demographics 2006-2007 by Education
• Trends in Online Gamer Demographics 2004-2007 by Education
• Percentage of Various Gamer Groups

It will only set you back €3,210.00 for a PDF copy or €3,253.00 + EUR€ 50.00 Shipping/Handling for a printed copy. You read that right, THIRTY TWO HUNDRED EUROs and then some. If you want to know what that means in US$, go here.

Rightly so, EA Games issued a response to FoxNews - available at Kotaku here. I don't blame them. Reminds me of the Stealers Wheel song...

Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain't right,
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right,
here I am, Stuck in the middle with you.

People, it's simple. Know the ratings, monitor what your kids watch/play if you have 'em. But for the love of all that is holy and decent, MAKE AN INFORMED DECISION BASED ON ACTUAL FACTS, not just the rantings of some "journalist" (and I'm really stretching that term here, folks) on TV. Or even some random internet person's blog. Including mine. Be an informed consumer.

What Not To Wear?

Or rather, how NOT to wear what you ARE wearing. To wit:

Let me begin by saying that I'm an addict frequent shopper of Joann Fabrics. I love them dearly. So when the flyer came in today's mail with the above picture (after I'd just been there this morning), I had a little chuckle.

Let me point out a few things about this that are SO wrong.

1) The blue dress girl looks extremely uncomfortable. I'm not sure if it's the dress or the photographer or the art director or what, but she definitley looks like she'd rather be somewhere else wearing something else. And I don't blame her because...

2) The blue dress is not at ALL suited for her figure/frame/bewbies. It makes her bewbies look like they are being pushed out towards her sides (and not IN to create cleavage). It hits her RIGHT at the knee which is NOT good. Also, the shoulders and waist ruching on that dress maker her look like a behemoth. And she's what? A size 6?

3) The blushing "bride" looks like she has stomach cramps the way she is hunched over. Which also crumples the waist of her dress. Tres fugly, no? I'm pretty sure even a Barbizon graduate would know better than to slump like that.

Going beyond the misfitting dress and the lack of poise/posture of the models, I have to say that cutting off the HAND of one model and the FEET of both just is icky from a photographic standpoint. When it comes to "cutting off" body parts in photography, my memory tells me you do it BETWEEN joints, not ON them. So a correct crop would have been to cut off the legs between the ankles and knees, not directly AT the ankles/shins. But what do I know.

In photography, there is also a "rules of thirds" (nevermind the concept of "leading lines). Imagine, if you will, a tic-tac-toe grid in the viewfinder of your camera next time you go to take a picture. If your subject matter is located at the juncture of the lines almost anywhere within that frame, it will have decent composition. That's a very barebones explanation, but try it sometime and see if you don't see a difference.

Okay, I couldn't help myself. Here's an example of that exact photo with the "rule of thirds" grid applied to it:

So what is right at the junction of the first & second rows/first & second column? Anyone? The waist ruching and bewbies!

Oh and let's not forget the needed space AROUND the subjects to be photographed. Everything needs a little space around it somewhere. It's part of that leading lines thing I mentioned before. Basically, you use the space to draw the eye to what you want to showcase. The idea is that when you first observe a picture (photo, artwork, etc), your eye is drawn to one point and then procedes to the right and then up and over to take in the work as a whole.

In the case of the above example, the FIRST thing my eyes were drawn to was the waist ruching of the blue dress which then led my eyes to the rumpled waist of the bridal gown. From there my eyes were taken the the schlumpy shoulders of the bride and across to the linebacker shoulders of blue dress girl and then to the outboard bewbies and finally BACK to the waist ruching. If that was the effect the photographer/art director/graphic artist/layout person/whomsoever was going for, they nailed it. If not, yeowch.

I just had to edit this and add that apparently when photographing inanimate objects, whoever is responsible does a pretty decent job. I give you:

As you can see, nice composition starting with the "rule of thirds" and a leading line down and to the left. Amazing the difference, no?

Edited once more to add that my mother got a DIFFERENT Joann flyer and apparently the picture was cropped differently for that mailer. OY VEY! It still was bad, though.

Even More WNTW

Why has fashion run so amok that only skinny sticklike figures can find clothes that look ... err ... I hestitate to say "decent", but maybe "hip" will do? I made my Target run last night to pick up my meds and noticed that all the clothes for reasonably youngish women looked like maternity wear from last year. Or at least they would on anyone with an ounce of fat.

Now I'm really comfortable in my skin. My clothes are getting looser (never mind the numbers) and I'm happy with that. I can do tons of push-ups and I lift weights occasionally so I know I'm fairly fit. But I am MORE than disgusted with what I'm finding in the stores. Case in point: Dress Barn. I used to work for DB as an assistant manager back in the day (1996) and back then the QUALITY of their merchandise was exceptional for an off-price retailer. NOW? Fuhgedaboutit. I went in the local DB a week ago today and tried on 15 things. NONE of them fit ~properly~. Properly is the key word. The workmanship on the items was pretty shabby. Fabric was bunched up in seams, padding was not even in two tops, zippers were put in "wrong" so that they BUNCHED (this one is a real no-brainer to do right, actually). And for the prices ($30 for a polyester knit top?) I expected better. I was DO disgusted that when the lady helping me enquired as to how I was doing, I let her know that I was unhappy with the workmanship and would have purchase XYZ except it was poorly made. Whether or not she cares, I don't know. But maybe she'll pass it to her DM (district manager). Or not. It's a dangerous thing, knowing how to sew PROPERLY.

Oh to have time to create my own wardrobe. But that day is coming. When we travel overseas in the winter, I'll be having a custom wardrobe made. I LIVE for this.