Thursday, April 26, 2007

Pimp My Prince

As you know, seasonally The Mouse pimps out a princess to sell stuff, but has ANYONE noted the sheer LACK of PRINCES? Unless, of course, they are arm candy to a Princess. Here's a good idea for a reality show: Pimp My Princess... Oh wait... That's been done... It was called "The Bachelorette"....

Anyhow, I'd like to see the "Disney Prince Collection" with the manly specimens of Prince Charming The First (Snow White), Prince Charming the Second (Cinderella), Prince Phillip (Sleeping Beauty), Prince Eric (Little Mermaid), The Beast (Beauty and The Beast) & Aladdin.






Where are all the manly men???? I mean, those stories are irrelevant without the PRINCE!!!!

Where would Aurora be without Phillip? Still sleeping! That's where. Ditto Snow White with Prince Charming (who had one of the BEST songs ever - "One Song"). And Cinderella? She'd still be sweeping floors if the Prince didn't need a wife.

Ariel would still be shark bait if it weren't for having a crush on Eric. And Belle? She'd have been sold off to Gaston if it weren't for the Beast. Talk about everything in life happening for a reason... And Jasmine would have ended up with JAFAR if it weren't for her "street rat" Aladdin.

But now? Once they got their man and a leg up on society or released from the evil spell, they drop kicked good ol' Prince-y Boy like a bad habit. Is this what feminism has come to? Use 'em and lose 'em? Say it ain't so.

I'm starting to hear "Where Have All The Cowboys Gone" - Where Have All The Princes Gone? (With apologies to Paula Cole):

What’s a princess without a prince
Nothing but a window display
Sit around look pretty, isn’t it a pity
Haven’t got a thing to say
I will be so perfect if you slay all evils

CHORUS:

Where is my Prince Charming
Where is my Fairy Tale
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the princes gone

Farity tale world now, things in such whirl now
Princesses running amok
I don’t need no prince now, I’m such a big girl now
I think I’ll take a walk ‘round the block
I will be so perfect if you slay all evils

Chorus

Where is my Prince Charming
Where is my Fairy Tale
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the princes gone

I am wearing my new dress tonight
Thanks to my godmother fairy
Happy endings
Happy endings
Happy endings

Isn’t it a pity that we have to look so pretty
It’s like the world revolves around us
Girl Power! Don’t you know
We each have our own show
Who needs a prince to help out the plot?
I will be so perfect if you slay all evils

Chorus

Where is my Prince Charming
Where is my Fairy Tale
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the princes gone

Where is my righteous man
Where is his shiny sword
Where is my handsome stranger
Where have all the princes gone
Where have all the princes gone
Where have all the princes gone

See, the crazy thing is, you can dress up as a Disney VILLAIN if you are a boy or you can dress up as Peter Pan, but if you want to dress up as a sword weilding, princess catching, ballroom dancing, make all the girls swoon hottie? Tough luck kid!

My proposal to The Powers That Be at Mouse-Central is to release the appropriate PRINCE stuff at the same time they release the Princess junk merchandise. I'd happily pay for it!!! My poor son is relegated to having Snow White as his assigned Princess Movie on account of I've got dibs on Cinderella (I-III), the Elder Princess Ella has The Little Mermaid and the Younger Princess Ella has Sleeping Beauty. The Yet-To-Be Princess Ella (another story in itself) gets Beauty and the Beast because she is color-coded YELLOW. Don't ask. So Prince Lorenzo has been nicknamed "Prince Charming" and gets Snow White and the Seven Mutant Miners Dwarves.

BRING BACK THE PRINCES!!!!!! Say it loud and proud: I'm a man with a sword and I KNOW how to use it! I protect the weak, can dance like an angel and still not break a sweat even while defeating the forces of evil!

4 comments:

Anna Zhan said...

Brilliant. What about Tarzan and Simba, though? Do they count as our Disney princes? There's gotta be more stuff for them...

MarjnHomer said...

I have fallen into the trap of "happily ever after" and sometimes in my marriage its like, oh wait this is real life and not some fairy tale.

erinMacarena said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
tn_lizzie2000 said...

Wow! This is really well-written!
I will print this out to discuss with my girls!