To Amerika with Love

Dear American Expats and Tourists,

We know that sometimes you get lonely for home. So to honor your 4th Juli celebration, we offer you (overpriced) American magazines and "homemade American treats". You can stuff yourselves with tortilla chips, oatmeal raisin cookies, bread, cookies on sticks, cinnamon rolls and yes, even apple pie.

So have a happy 4th of July and enjoy!

Selamat 4 Juli!!!

In other words:

Happy 4th of July!

Gong Xi Fat Cai!

Happy Chinese New Year... A little early.

You may be asking yourself "Why is she posting about Chinese New Year when we haven't got through Advent, Hanukah or Christmas yet? Does she even I celebrate all of those?"

The short answer to the former is "sheer consumerism". The latter is more complicated.

Look, if "they" can put out Christmas the day after Halloween and have it all marked on clearance the day before Thanksgiving, then why can't I pimp out advertise the Chen Emporium? That's right, Crazy Mama Chen has FINALLY opened the doors to the CafePress shop known as Chenporium.

So if you need any cute stuff for 4707 (2009), get it now! Oscar the Spokes-Ox will be departing after the Spring Festival is over.

As for celebrating multi-culturally? Well, we celebrate Advent and Christmas. We're learning about Hanukkah because the kids are BFFs with my parents' neighbors. Neighbor guy is Jewish and while hanging Christmas lights on his house, he says to my dad "Jesus saves, Moses invests". Neighbor guy and wife are cool folks. The girls adore them and want to go hang out with them All The Time. Of course, the oldest was really confused when she found out that Neighbor Guy didn't celebrate Christmas. And middle child said "He's Jewess?" which totally cracked me up. Apparently, she hasn't quite figured out the -ish sound yet. Of course, I'm not entirely surprised. The color yellow was "lellow" until she turned four. So this year, we're celebrating or honoring a variety of religious holidays. Don't tell the neighbors that the girls are handpainting a menorah for them. It'll be our secret.

Happy Holidays...

Yeah, yeah, I know it's WAY too early to be thinking about anything other than Halloween costumes, candy corn and that sort of thing. But in the world of a procrastinator, if you want to get anything Christmasy related *done*, you better start right around the first day of fall. Especially if you are as picky as I am.

I've blogged before with much wailing and gnashing of teeth about the lamentable state of little boy "fashion". I swore my son would only wear suits and ties and so on. And he does when it counts. Little dude has SUCH an affinity for Thomas the Tank and Uh-QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN (Lighting McQueen to the uninitiated) that in order to stop embarassing meltdown moments in the store, I've caved and bought him some of it. It all started with the unfortunate incident where Little Dude peed himself and his carseat right before grocery shopping at the SuperTarget. I ended up with a diaperclad boy looking desparately for ANYTHING that was cheap and fit. When he saw Uh-QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN it was all over for me. I was desparate and it just snowballed from there.

What does that have to do with Christmas? Well, not a whole lot. However, while I can find a zillion and one licensed shirts, hoodies and shorts, finding a vest and tie for Christmas portraits to be taken October 29th, has been a challenge to say the very least. Especially when I needed LIME GREEN. And shiny. To match the girls' fuschia and purple sparkly dresses. You try finding something THAT specific in Vacation Central where it's still 95 degrees and people are still wearing shorts despite it being "Fall". When you give up like me, you're doomed to make it yourself or go without. It's a good thing that costume fabric is 40% off at JoAnn's. I scored a yard of shiny green satiny polyester that has a nice stiff backing for $6. Enough to make a vest and tie with a bit leftover. But getting fabric was half the battle. You try finding a pattern small enough to fit your 2.5 year old who still wears 12-18 months in most stuff and has had to wear a belt for over a year to keep his britches up. You're in luck because McCalls makes such an item. It comes in size 2-3-4-5. Size 2 is just about perfect. A wee bit loose, but it's a vest so I can safety pin it in the back and be happy. Here's the final product:

OK, so it's not final final since it has no buttons and the tie thingy doesn't have a fastener, but close enough for government work. I have to make a run to the store to find the *perfect* buttons. But I will. And it will be good.

Next up... Halloween Costumes. Because I'm NOT spending over $100 for three costumes made of cheap crap by slave labor in China. I'm just not.

Lord of the Dance?

Don't send a lame St. Patrick's Day eCard. Try JibJab Sendables!

Merry Christmas Baby!

Today is the 1st Sunday of Advent which marks the official "waiting for Christmas" period. While Christmas songs won't be sung in Church until December 25th, and since stores and radio stations are probably inundating you with "holiday cheer", I thought I'd spare you a bunch of agony and just tell you what I think you should be listening to. Generally, I buy one or two new Christmas CDs per year. This year I scored FIVE. And every one is excellent.

Without further ado I present The Empress' Christmas Listening List:

That Special Time Of Year: Gladys Knight & The Pips (featuring Johnny Mathis on 3 tracks)

This album was originally released in 1979 and was re-released in 2006. It tops my list of most listenable. I "heart" Gladys Knight. She's my biggest musical inspiration.

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Sounds of the Season: Have Yourself A Very KT Christmas (Target Exclusive): KT Tunstall

Has an AWESOME rendition of Mele Kelikimaka, one of my all time favorite songs. This album is chock full of KT goodness.

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Stockings By The Fire: A Starbucks Exclusive

This album is full of classics performed in new and exciting ways. Sarah Maclachlan performs my all time favorite hymn "I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day" beautifully. It's wistful and longing and so perfect.

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Noel: Josh Groban

Lovely and peaceful. And has an awesome rendition of Ave Maria AND Panis Angelicus. It's a Latin hymn double header. And well worth the price of admission.

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Holiday Jazz: Lifescapes (Target Exclusive)

As smooth as a warm brandy. And just as tasty. Gets you in just the right frame of mind. Especially when there's a fire going.

So ask Santa to stuff your stocking with one of these. You'll be glad you did!

Christmas Comes This Time Each Year

Time for pictures, time for cheer. And it's a darn good thing it only comes ONCE. Because the annual foray to acquire a suitable formal picture of the children is a nerve-wracking and harrowing experience. And not just for the poor photographers. Who deserve a patron saint of their own, really, for all they do. It only took a mere 62 pictures to achieve a few decent poses. Which is roughly 20.666666666666666666666666666667 poses per child. Give or take a decimal point or so.

While we were there, a family with 10 people in nicely matching outfits - girls wearing one thing and guys another - came in. How you get TEN people to all smile at the same time is beyond my comprehension when with only THREE little people it practically takes an act of congress.

See what I mean?

Say *Cheese*, not CHEESY!!!

My what lovely teeth you have there. Now can you please keep them inside?



The bathroom is around the corner and down the hall. Can't you hold it?



Gotta run, kthxbai!



I canNOT believe you are making those faces in an attempt to make me smile. That's so childish!

That's all folks!

Actually, we got some really GREAT shots - those were just the bloopers. Here's the whole gang and some selected individual poses:

For those of you lucky souls who get the newsletter via regular mail, you're entitled to one picture of my choosing from this lot. Enjoy!

Season's Greetings Y'All!

It's time once again for the Annual Christmas Newsletter. And this year I'm actually mailing one. I know, I know, I said I'd never REALLY do it. But hey. You know what "they" say about saying never, right? Anyhow, here's a handy picture of it (fresh off the presses at FedExKinko's):