Dancing With The WHO?

So Monday night kicked off DWTS' current season. And I must say, it was INCREDIBLE. I wasn't prepared to be amazed. I was actually more prepared to fall asleep.

Some brief thoughts on Monday's installment aka "Ladies Night"

• I thought Drew did a nice job filling in for Samantha Harris.
• I didn't get to watch all the performances. I missed Jennie Garth's.
• The model-girl is going to leave first for the ladies. It was like watching a 2x4 dance. Only a 2x4 is actually bigger around I think.
• Cheetah Girl rocked my world.
• Scary Spice was great but her costume was ... uh ... SCARY. Who put her in cheetah spots? Did they give her the wrong costume? Seriously, it looked like skin color with some cheetah spots pasted on. She needs some color to contrast with her skin tone.
• Jane Seymour(e) was the ringer for ladies night. Fluid, graceful, lovely.
• The producers did an excellent job matching pros and celebs. Kudos.

As far as the men go, the ONLY one I'd heard of was Wayne Newton. Isn't that pathetic? Am I just not up on pop culture? Am I stuch in a time warp? [/rhetorical question] So "Danke Schoen" and off we go...

Thoughts on Tuesday Night aka Dudes Do Dancefloor...

• I missed the first two routines. But who cares. Model-guy was AMAZING.
• Mark Cuban - pretty OK and you have to give him props for dancing full out and bouncing around after just having had hip replacement surgery. He's a braver man than I... And I'm not a man.
• Wayne Newton. My husband said "Watch - he's gonna dance like your dad." I said surely not. I was WRONG. The 60-something White Guy Dance was in full effect. As were some man-boobs. But hey, he's not that young a guy any more. As long as I don't have to see him without a shirt, I'll be A-OK.
• Not having seen the first two routines, I can't comment on which guy will be first to go, but I'm betting it's model-girl.

DWTS....

Suluh that is.




Ok, so I've outed myself. I've got an unusual last name. And it rhymes with that dude from the classic Star Trek series played by George Takei:

Hikaru Sulu

When I got married, my previous employer gave me a model of the NCC-1701C Enterprise (not that Sulu served on that ship, but hey, it's a mere detail) on account of my name. Sadly, hardly anyone GETS IT when I say "Suluh, like the guy on Star Trek". Cretins, the lot of them. Oddly enough, The Prince Consort does resemble Sulu a bit. But only a little. See for yourself:

The Prince Consort & The Empress circa 2001

On to DWTSuluh... Actually we met when I was a teacher at a (now defunct) ballroom studio. You could say it was love at first sight dance, but that wouldn't exactly be true. I thought he was kinda nerdy and needed fashion help. QE4TSG anyone? What I fell in love with was his dance ability first and foremost. HONEST!!! I wanted him for a student to break the monotony of newb after newb who was never gonna go past the intro special (4 private lessons, some groups and parties). He was in it for the long haul and was a "lifer" if you will. Well, his first teacher quit and I thought I had a chance. WRONG. His second teacher quit and I thought I had a chance. WRONG AGAIN! Third time is the charm, right? WRONG. He got placed with the studio owner's wife (major strike-out for me) and then didn't renew his lesson contract (yes, it was a contract, no matter how they tried to deny it). What's a girl to do?

Drown her sorrows at the bar and make friends with the bartender Bruce, that's what. So I did just that. Was it coincidence that this same bar was inside the club where TFPC (The Future Prince Consort) went dancing every night? Was it coincidence that I generally had on my fuzzy pink man-catcher sweater? You decide. Now, I wasn't necessarily out to catch THIS man. I'd just broken up with my latest in a string of "inappropriate men" as Alex Karev would say on Grey's Anatomy.

Apparently the sweater worked, though. TFPC snuck up behind me (ninja-like reflexes) and caressed my neck and kissed me. Thoroughly kissed me, I might add. I was SO not expecting that from him. Everyone knows that Asian guys are like SO reserved and non-spontaneous, right? WRONG! Upon later questioning the atypical behaviour, he said (and I quote) "You looked like you needed it..." I still swoon every time I think of it.

We had our first date on February 13th, 2000 and were married on September 2nd, 2000. Funny thing is, when I was praying for a mate, there were only 3 criteria on my list:

1. Be a better dancer than me
2. Love me unconditionally
3. Love God as much as I do

Looks weren't a factor. Money wasn't a factor. Race, etc. Not a factor. All I can say is that the three specifics were answered - even better than I could have anticipated. The fact that we're both gamers, well, that was a bonus that even TPC wasn't expecting.

I'll never forget the first time he realised I'm a gamer chick... I was over at his apartment and he was cooking dinner. I got to claim the PlayStation and got into FFVIII (Final Fantasy 8 for those of you not in the know) when I saw it in the pile of games by the TV. Previously we'd played some samurai something or other (Soul of the Samurai). He never offered FFVIII because in his words "I didn't think you'd be into RPGs" (role playing games, not rocket propelled grenades). I had to school him in the facts that I was BIG into The Black Cauldron and Kings Quest. Can it get any better than this?

Seven years, three kids and 40 pounds later... We're in this for the long haul. And we're loving every minute of it.

Oh yeah... And the sweater got retired a LONG time ago. It served it's purpose.

Just when you thought it couldn't be any worse...

Billy Ray Cyrus takes to the dance floor again. My 85 year-old grandmother who has dementia can move better than him and she's bed-ridden most of the time. I'm sorry, but he's GOT to go this week. It wouldn't be fair to Lilo & Stitch Ian & Cheryl.



Granted, tonight they stomped through most of their foxtrot routine and the rumba was more of a "what dance IS that" than a rumba... But still, they didn't suck nearly as bad as Billy Ray.



Bruno said that Laila is turning into a marvellous obsession (he's right), but Billy Ray is turning into a TRAIN WRECK. He's painful to watch yet you can't NOT watch. And that gentle readers is all I have on this for tonight. It's late and I shall update you later, when I have more photos to share.

Oh yes, one more thing...

APOLO ANTON OHNO ROCKS MY SOCKS.

Just thought I'd get that off my chest.

Did you hear the one about the guy with a wooden leg named Smith?

I SO can NOT believe that Heather Mills got the boot from DWTS. America is bunch of bumbling idiots with no sense or sensibility. The fact that the WORST dancer in the history of dance is still on the show despite his lack of ability and his egregious crotch-watching and twitching just SLAYS me.

I'll say this now... BILLY RAY CYRUS MUST GO. His dancing (or lack thereof) is an affront to all that is good and holy. One must ask one's self if his lack of dance ability is natural and/or whether his teacher is competent as an instructor. There is a distinct difference between being a world-class DANCER and a world-class instructor.

In the meantime, I leave the following:

Dancing With The Stars

Since I've made it fairly obvious in the past I'm a ballroom dancer, it should come as no surprise that I'm a big fan of DWTS (Mondays, ABC 8pm). So the following victims err celebrities are left:

• Laila Ali
• Billy Ray Cyrus
• Ian Ziering
• Heather Mills
• Joey Fatone
• Apolo Anton Ohno
• John Ratzneberger

I'll be honest. Billy Ray sucks. He's got a 25 cent version of Kid Rock happening and it isn't working for me. That and the fact that he's the WORST dancer I've ever seen in my entire career. I've never met a guyI coudn't teach to dance, but I bet he'd be MY Waterloo. I'm surprised Karina hasn't lost it already.

After last night's show, I'll give you my prognostications of who is going to be in the final:

Laila Ali & Apolo Anton Ohno. Hands down.

What slays me is that the worst dancers get the worst music. It's like the producers are out to get them or something. Has anyone else noticed this? And for pity's sake, Paso Doble is Paso Freaking Doble. Don't try to use some modern shinola music and try to pass it off as Paso. We aren't being fooled and it only makes the couples themselves look like fools.

As far as choreography goes, even my 4 year old knows you don't bare your bloomers to the world. She had a choice comment for Karina's handstand and Billy Ray's assessment of her assets: "She shouldn't have DONE that!!!"

Please please please - a little more dancing and a little less flash and trash.