Friday, September 28, 2007

The Best Thing About Homeschooling

You want to know what the best thing about homeschooling is?

The fact that when Mama doesn't feel up to numerous iterations of workbooks and educational videos, she can just give the kids some paper dressed up as a "book" and let them have at it and it COUNTS! It's educational, I promise. I gave them a "project": Write a story and illustrate it. I think we're covering art, grammar, spelling, punctuation and creative writing as well as the all important "leave Mama alone so she can blog about you deal with her overreactive gallbladder" subject.

Here are the books BEFORE the Princesses Ella got hold of them:


The Younger Princess Ella is the one in the pink Sleeping Beauty Nightgown

You should only know how long it took me to FIND this picture once I uploaded it from my camera to my hard drive. Why it got sent to my VIDEO folder, I've no idea. Anyhow...

What I did to make the books:
  • Find card stock in pile on desk.
  • Let girls choose their own color from about 20 choices (the Elder choose purple, the Younger chose the pink)
  • Grab handful of printer paper (there's a reason I buy this stuff at the warehouse store)
  • Stack all paper together and cut roughly in half on the long side of the paper (exactly half would have been 5.5" but who's counting?)
  • Find 3-hole punch and arrange puncher thingies so that it punches 3 holes down the "long" side of the paper
  • String 3/8" wide grosgrain ribbon to make book
  • Field exactly 3,874,089,152 questions about what the books are and are not
  • Take picture and hide in office to blog about it while the girls knock themselves out creatively

Life is good. Except for my mother-frelling gallbladder which makes me irritable and tired and nauseated. It's days are numbered. Poor my kids. Little do they know that once Mama is done recuperating, their days of watching PBS all day in their PJs and eating Scooby Snakcs for breakfast are O-V-E-R. But I'm not telling them that. Let them have their little fun.

Contemplating the mysteries of the univers...

Tell me whyyyyyyyyyyyy [apologies to Annie Lennox]

Or rather, HOW my 18 month old was capable of removing his diaper from uderneath his overalls withOUT removing said overalls?

Gross Anatomy?

Or merely a coincidence?

Last night was the premiere of Grey's Anatomy. I was pleasantly surprised, actually. But this post isn't about Grey's. If you want to know about that, go to Television Without Pity. Ironically? Conicidentally? Serendipitously? Last night (or early this morning) was also the premiere of "Weird Al" Yankovic's video "Like A Surgeon" on YouTube.

For those of us who never had cable growing up and still don't, it's pretty nifty to be able to enjoy Weird Al's stuff - ranging from the classics like "Fat" and "Eat It" all the way up to more revent offerings like "White & Nerdy". And these aren't someone posting Al's stuff. It's the Al-meister himself!

Without further ado, I present "Like A Surgeon" - which could ONLY be funnier if it starred clips from Grey's Anatomy:

Thursday, September 27, 2007

The Uterus as described by The Elder Princess Ella

My daughters are quite prolific when it comes to drawing and now to writing "stories". Especially about things they have recently seen or heard. So it should come as no surprise to me that after watching a PBS show on babies in utero, that the Elder Princess Ella would want to draw a picture of a uterus and then wax poetical about it. After all, she's not quite six. Below is the picture she drew and her commentary [verbatim] on it:



This is the uterus.
The lines are the insides of the uterus.
The food is important for it.
[commentary by the Younger Princess Ella: Food doesn't go in the uterus, it goes in the tummy]


This picture has the brocolli [top of picture - outside uterus - looks like a bizarro carrot] to take good care of the uterus.
It scrubs the insides.
The inner cord protects it.
When the baby is in there when it moes it's legs back and forth then the uterus grows.
When the babies come out the uterus will shrink back to it's normal size.
The middle core and the outer core help make the uterus stay together.
When they [baby] grow big, it's time to come out.
That's all.


The second picture is a sign made yesterday in the throes of "touching" angst and a sever desire NOT to leave the house to go to lunch at the Crapper Cracker Barrel (which I blogged about yesterday). Apparently, the Younger Princess Ella was impinging on the personal space of the The Elder and so she needed to make a sign. Translation below picture.


No sisters touching sisters and nobody is going nowhere

The third, and final picture is from today and details what the girls will be doing on Sunday evening (the night before my pre-op for gallbladder surgery). I would like you to note the correct use of apostrophe in this picture. Mama is teaching her children well. Translation follows picture:


Sunday night we spend the night at GrandCharlie's [my mother] house. Gabriella and Anabella

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Dancing With The WHO?

So Monday night kicked off DWTS' current season. And I must say, it was INCREDIBLE. I wasn't prepared to be amazed. I was actually more prepared to fall asleep.

Some brief thoughts on Monday's installment aka "Ladies Night"

  • I thought Drew did a nice job filling in for Samantha Harris.
  • I didn't get to watch all the performances. I missed Jennie Garth's.
  • The model-girl is going to leave first for the ladies. It was like watching a 2x4 dance. Only a 2x4 is actually bigger around I think.
  • Cheetah Girl rocked my world.
  • Scary Spice was great but her costume was ... uh ... SCARY. Who put her in cheetah spots? Did they give her the wrong costume? Seriously, it looked like skin color with some cheetah spots pasted on. She needs some color to contrast with her skin tone.
  • Jane Seymour(e) was the ringer for ladies night. Fluid, graceful, lovely.
  • The producers did an excellent job matching pros and celebs. Kudos.

As far as the men go, the ONLY one I'd heard of was Wayne Newton. Isn't that pathetic? Am I just not up on pop culture? Am I stuch in a time warp? [/rhetorical question] So "Danke Schoen" and off we go...

Thoughts on Tuesday Night aka Dudes Do Dancefloor...

  • I missed the first two routines. But who cares. Model-guy was AMAZING.
  • Mark Cuban - pretty OK and you have to give him props for dancing full out and bouncing around after just having had hip replacement surgery. He's a braver man than I... And I'm not a man.
  • Wayne Newton. My husband said "Watch - he's gonna dance like your dad." I said surely not. I was WRONG. The 60-something White Guy Dance was in full effect. As were some man-boobs. But hey, he's not that young a guy any more. As long as I don't have to see him without a shirt, I'll be A-OK.
  • Not having seen the first two routines, I can't comment on which guy will be first to go, but I'm betting it's model-girl.

I'm mellllllllllting....

Otherwise known as the weekly Weight Watchers update.

This time I don't have any nifty pictures. Sorry. My eczema is flaring up - thanks to my gallbladder - so I'm not going to be taking any pictures (of me) until this thing is dealt with. Also thanks to my gallbladder, I'm down to about 1 meal a day. Which is good(?) for weight loss, but sucky for me and my energy levels. Most days I just lay around the castle... Flabby, fat and lazy...

If you can name the movie that came from you get bonus points.

Anyhoo, last I posted about this it was 9/12/07. Week 8. I lost .2 pounds, so that put me at 9.2 lost total. The next week (which is to say last week or Week 9) I lost 2 pounds to put me at 11.2 pounds lost total to date. Tomorrow is Week 10. Apparently weight loss takes 1-2 weeks to show up, so if that's the case, I should have lost a lot by tomorrow. I'm shooting for 15 pounds lost total. That's only 3.8 more and I've done that in a week before. Not like I'm stressing about it...

And how much does a gallbladder w/stones weigh anyway? That sucker is going DOWN next Tuesday.





Take THAT! Darth Gall


Where's The Beef (Stew)?

We eat out a lot. Probably a lot more than average. But one thing is certain, even if we don't eat out ANY other time, Wednesday Lunch with Mother Dearest and Nana is a given. We have in our locality pretty much a decent selection of national chains.

Within spitting distance of us we have Dunkin' Donuts/Baskin Robbins, Bennigan's, Outback Steakhouse, Cracker Barrel, Big Boy, Don Pablo's Waffle House, Denny's, Joe's Crab Shack, Logan's Roadhouse, Hops, Orlando Ale House, Steak 'n' Shake, Burger King, McDonald's, Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Ruby Tuesday, Hooters, Panera, Pollo Tropical, Wendy's & Panera. And I'm not even counting the local mom and pop places either. These places are ALL within walking distance of each other. And there's also the mall food court right there, too.

Given that we have so much "variety" you'd think that we wouldn't repeat a restaurant in a month (if not two) of Wednesdays. Even if you don't count the greasy spoons and fast food places. See, that would be too easy. Nana only eats certain types of food. I know it's because her dentures bother her (those are next up for replacing, just after my parents finish paying off her new hearing aids). So we stick to Olive Garden & Red Lobster mostly. If we're feeling REALLY adventurous (and Nana has a doctor's appointment the next town over) we might go to Chili's or a local mom and pop Japanese teppanyaki place. But those are rare occurrences (twice in the last year).

We used to go to Logan's more often, but Nana doesn't like it that much and since it's "her" day, we deal. Besides, they have $2 kid meals on Monday and Tuesday. Steak for $2! Yipes. Me likey. Especially with THREE little ones. I can score 3 meals for the price of 1.5. That's almost like buy one get one free. And lest you worry that I'm not tipping properly, I tip $1 per person and 50 cents for the baby (do the math: $3.50) flat rate. On a less than $12 bill, [rhetorical question] I think that's a decent tip, don't you?

Moving along, since Logan's is out, we've moved on to Cracker Barrel - the subject of today's blog. We (the three kids and I) were 40 minutes +/- LATE to lunch. Why? If you have more than half a kid, you probably know already. The eldest lost her shoes. She's only got one pair at this point (don't ask) so this is NOT GOOD. I'd already spent the morning (okay 20 minutes) ironing their dresses because they wouldn't be caught DEAD in jeans or shorts or anything not made out of cotton sunday-go-to-meetin' dress fabric. And then it was the hair-raising adventure of getting their hair brushed with all the requisite OUCH!!!!!!!es despite the fact that I was merely LOOKING at their hair and not actually touching it. Drama Queens much? And then it was peace talks and hostage negotiations aka "don't tell your sister you hate her. that's not nice. that hurt her feelings." and "give your brother back his toy, it isn't yours and now he's screeching and it's giving me a headache." Shoes found, hair brushed, baby octopus dressed (and that is a feat in and of itself) and out the door. How the instruction to "go to the car" turned into "chase the cat down the driveway and scatter in three different directions", I'll never know. So, we got to Cracker Barrel late.

The children ordered one Mac'n'Cheese lunch (Elder Ella), one kid's pancacke breakfast (Younger Ella). Prince Lorenzo ate some of my veggies. Mother Dearest had fried chicken tenderloins with fried okra and (not fried) pinto beans. She shared some of the chicken with Lorenzo. He wouldn't eat the breading. I don't blame him. Of course, the Ellas had to steal some of her okra (what's new) and the Elder Ella had some of her pinto beans, too. I had the veggie plate: cottage cheese (not a veggie, but I'm not telling), carrots, green beans & turnip greens. Since I've got gallbladder issues, I couldn't have the pepper sauce. Boo hoo. I let the kids have some of my carrots (ok most of them - I ate TWO baby carrots) and my green beans. And Nana? She got the Beef Stew. Or rather, the Beef *Flavored* Stew. It had precisely TWO half-inch square cubes of beef.

When we questioned the waitress, she was very apologetic and said that the item had been pulled from the menu previously because people complained that it didn't have enough beef. Nana wasn't buying it. She was pretty darn mad. Now she generally doesn't complain, but I think she wanted some MEAT. So I said I'd do what every savvy consumer does - BLOG about it. I explained about blogging and the virtual pen being mightier than the sword and whatnot. But I don't think that really got through. I just have to laugh about it, because I had this mental picture of the Wendy's commercial lady from the 80s...



Anyhow, I didn't end up complaining to management - and Nana was well and truly miffed. She was talking "false advertising" and whatnot. I figured it was good for a laugh - and we probably won't go back there again any time soon since Nana pretty much gets the beef(less) stew. Between that and the fact that the bill is pretty much always close to $35+tip for 3 adults and 2.75 kids, I think we'll stick to Olive Garden. There we can generally get away with $25+tip. Give or take.

Chow!

PS: We did give the waitress an almost $7 tip because she said my kids were "so well behaved".

Edit: I HAD to add this picture:

A friend IM'd me and said that she found their food to be pretty crappy. I just can't resist a good opportunity to poke fun using photoshop. Isn't it good I use my power for good and not for evil? Can you imagine what I would be like if I did things like this maliciously? I'd be working for a tabloid!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

YouTube Strikes Again

Ok, so if you know YouTube, you know The Mean Kitty Song. The same guy who did Mean Kitty did this video. I've commented the "innuendo" video a couple of times and I can't get it out of my head. Not for the reason that Mr. Safety had in mind, I'm sure.

I've been pondering whether or not it "crosses the line". I guess it really depends on what the definition of "is" is. One one level it doesn't necessarily bother me. It's just frakking stupid. And that's OK, I guess. On another level, though, for someone who wants a career in filmmaking, it seems like an amateurish cheap shot.

For instance, Quentin Tarantino started out as an indy filmmaker. Love him or hate him, he really knows how to make a movie. He understands the medium and knows how to use it to tell a story. I'd class him with any of the great filmmakers from the last 100 years.

I guess I'm worried that sophomoric humour is what we've fallen to as a society. Are we doomed to a Beavis and Butthead lifestyle? Or can upcomer indy filmmakers - many of whom are stretching their fledgling wings at YouTube - create real art that entertains?

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.


Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!
This is what mom's boston terrier gets up to when no one is home.

Friends Don't Let Friends


Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!
Near JibJab. This is a prime example why! To those of you whose pictures I have... Be afraid. Be VERY afraid. I've got JibJab and I'm not afraid to use it!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

The Incredible Shrinking Empress

First of all, it's been requested that I post a photo of my new coiffure. I believe that the photos included within this post should suffice.

9 weeks ago, it was suggested that I "reduce" as my health was beginning to suffer. I henceforth joined Weight Watchers - the royally endorsed weight control program. While I've enjoyed myself immensely, I have been remiss in not chronicling my endeavors. Therefore, I give you the following:

07/26/07 Week 1: First Meeting. No loss.
08/02/07 Week 2: -1.2
08/09/07 Week 3: -3.6
08/16/07 Week 4: -1.4
08/23/07 Week 5: +0.8
08/30/07 Week 6: -3.8
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo taken 9/2/07
Note lack of definable waist and tummy larger than bewbies

09/06/07 Week 7: +0.2
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo taken 9/9/07
Notice the waist is more defined and SMALLER than bewbies

09/12/07 Week 8: ???
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto taken 9-12-07
Notice defined waist, smaller arms and smaller upper arms & abdominal area

For a grand total of 9.0 pounds lost. This is Week 8 and tonight is my meeting and weigh in. I will say that I've lost a half size in my shoes and at least 2 dress sizes on my posterior. I've lost 1-2 shirt sizes as well.

And now for the scariest part, the extreme "before" picture taken March of 2007:

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Is it the same person? Can it be? Stay tuned for the next installment of [ominous theme song] The Incredible Shrinking Empress!