What Not To Wear?

Or rather, how NOT to wear what you ARE wearing. To wit:

Let me begin by saying that I'm an addict frequent shopper of Joann Fabrics. I love them dearly. So when the flyer came in today's mail with the above picture (after I'd just been there this morning), I had a little chuckle.

Let me point out a few things about this that are SO wrong.

1) The blue dress girl looks extremely uncomfortable. I'm not sure if it's the dress or the photographer or the art director or what, but she definitley looks like she'd rather be somewhere else wearing something else. And I don't blame her because...

2) The blue dress is not at ALL suited for her figure/frame/bewbies. It makes her bewbies look like they are being pushed out towards her sides (and not IN to create cleavage). It hits her RIGHT at the knee which is NOT good. Also, the shoulders and waist ruching on that dress maker her look like a behemoth. And she's what? A size 6?

3) The blushing "bride" looks like she has stomach cramps the way she is hunched over. Which also crumples the waist of her dress. Tres fugly, no? I'm pretty sure even a Barbizon graduate would know better than to slump like that.

Going beyond the misfitting dress and the lack of poise/posture of the models, I have to say that cutting off the HAND of one model and the FEET of both just is icky from a photographic standpoint. When it comes to "cutting off" body parts in photography, my memory tells me you do it BETWEEN joints, not ON them. So a correct crop would have been to cut off the legs between the ankles and knees, not directly AT the ankles/shins. But what do I know.

In photography, there is also a "rules of thirds" (nevermind the concept of "leading lines). Imagine, if you will, a tic-tac-toe grid in the viewfinder of your camera next time you go to take a picture. If your subject matter is located at the juncture of the lines almost anywhere within that frame, it will have decent composition. That's a very barebones explanation, but try it sometime and see if you don't see a difference.

Okay, I couldn't help myself. Here's an example of that exact photo with the "rule of thirds" grid applied to it:

So what is right at the junction of the first & second rows/first & second column? Anyone? The waist ruching and bewbies!

Oh and let's not forget the needed space AROUND the subjects to be photographed. Everything needs a little space around it somewhere. It's part of that leading lines thing I mentioned before. Basically, you use the space to draw the eye to what you want to showcase. The idea is that when you first observe a picture (photo, artwork, etc), your eye is drawn to one point and then procedes to the right and then up and over to take in the work as a whole.

In the case of the above example, the FIRST thing my eyes were drawn to was the waist ruching of the blue dress which then led my eyes to the rumpled waist of the bridal gown. From there my eyes were taken the the schlumpy shoulders of the bride and across to the linebacker shoulders of blue dress girl and then to the outboard bewbies and finally BACK to the waist ruching. If that was the effect the photographer/art director/graphic artist/layout person/whomsoever was going for, they nailed it. If not, yeowch.

I just had to edit this and add that apparently when photographing inanimate objects, whoever is responsible does a pretty decent job. I give you:

As you can see, nice composition starting with the "rule of thirds" and a leading line down and to the left. Amazing the difference, no?

Edited once more to add that my mother got a DIFFERENT Joann flyer and apparently the picture was cropped differently for that mailer. OY VEY! It still was bad, though.

I can SO relate to this...

http://www.wholesomechildhood.com/homeschoolvideos/?p=237

In case you don't want to click the link, I embedded the YouTube Video here:

And for Moms too:

To Bux With Love

It's not enough that Starbucks is the gate-keeper of my sanity on a daily basis - but Bux has the most amazing music. And I'm not just talking about the piped in stuff. Which is - in and of itself - rather delightful.

The CDs that are on sale from time to time in my local bux make up the bulk of my new additions to my already huge-mongous music collection. The majority of my recent music purchases have been in digital single format (thanks to Urge), but when I want to drop some change on a full album, Bux is my go-to.

My most recent addition is "Hail, Brittania" - a retrospective of the British Invasion 1964-1969. I was born in 1973 and grew up in ahome where disco/gospel (odd combo I know) ruled, so I was largely unfamiliar with the style of music until high school.

While I'm not a fan of The Beatles as a group, I can appreciate their solo works (and have an opinion on Yoko Ono). I'll spare you both of those for now. The CD from Bux, however, showcases those artists who came shortly after The Beatles broke ground on The Ed Sullivan Show.

Every track is a gem and includes easily recognizable classics like Ferry Cross The Mersey & To Sir With Love as well as pre-Disco Bee Gees. Now THAT is a treat. Even beyond that, the ballroom dancer in me loves how many danceable tracks there are. From Rumba (To Sir With Love) to Viennese Waltz (Go Now), it's an audible treat.

The entire CD sets a mellow relaxing mood (surprisingly) and puts me in a positive frame of mind. Almost like a pumpkin spice latte.

As a bonus, one track in particular (The Supernatural) reminds me a bit of Santana's "Black Magic Woman".

Lucifer Loves Louis Vuitton

Like most SAHMs, I rarely get to see a movie in theatrical release. So Netflix & Blockbuster are my good friends. It's rare though that I get to see a rented film during daylight hours. That is reserved for when mommy is sick and laid up on the sofa. While battling reflux and nausea today, I got to watch The Devil Wears Prada.

Let me say that it struck me as very much Ugly Betty, but without the Ugly or the Betty. The film was not anywhere near as inspiring as Ugly Betty. But the caricatures of those in the high fashion industry were just as spot on. It was harder for me to hate Miranda Priestly than it is for me to hate Wilhemina Slater. Really.

That said, I've worked in the High Fashion industry (many moons ago) and it is indeed just as cutthroat as both UB & DWP portray. Oddly enough, my experience as the lowest girl on the totem pole was that the lower a person was ranked, the witchier they were.

The thing that sets Ugly Betty apart from The Devil Wears Prada is that while Andy loses herself and then leaves the lions' den, Betty stands her ground and is always true to who she really is (with one tiny exception).

There you have it, folks. Enjoy!

A brief update

It's time once again for a scintillating blog entry. Wowzers. I have a lot that has been going on. I'll give you the highlights:

The Elder Princess Ella graduated from VPK (see pictures & link to YouTube). For those of you not in the know, VPK stands for Voluntary PreKindergarden - a state run school-readiness program. Now normally, I'm not a big fan of big government/the nanny state/whatever, but this was FREE. And our local Methodist Church/preschool offered it. So what's a mom to do? Take full advantage of it, that's what. Turns out the Mister Johnny, the teacher, is a member of our church (bonus points). He was just what the doctor ordered for the budding 5 (going on 15) year old. I'd call it a rousing success - except that The Elder Princess Ella was having shoe issues and didn't want to wear her cap and gown or process in with the other 5 kids... Go figure...

I joined Weight Watchers. And I love it. And I've lost 5 pounds (results not typical). Let's just say I had a LOT to lose (from my perspective) ::coughfiftypoundscough:: I'm 1/10th the way there. And that's a good start. Now, if only my inlaws don't say "Oh you so fat" when I see them in December. Because, well, I don't know WHAT I might do. But it won't be pretty.

The Prince Consort got the news that his cholesterol was high (really high) and he needed to get it down STAT. So he's working on that. Loosely following the South Beach Diet/Weight Watchers since I'm the one preparing the meals. In the last month, he's lost close to (if not more than) 10 pounds. He bought some 36" waist pants a couple of weeks ago and now they are way loose. He has to wear a belt (not a bad thing in and of itself). His 34" waist pants are actually loose too. Who knows? He might even end up back at the 30" waist he had when we met...

The biggest news? I got a hair cut and a perm. I currently resemble an auburn Q-tip/Little Orphan Annie, but in a day or three, it should calm down quite a bit. When I get a moment, I'll try to snap a pic so you can see the "new" me.

Other interesting tidbits:

The Elder Princess Ella doesn't appear in the dance recital video because of the JERKS who used their cameras with flash - despite warnings NOT TO - during the recital. The video company lost 70% of the footage from one of the shows (the only one she danced in). I'm hopping mad. Let this be a lesson to all - if you use your flash during the recital, I WILL FIND YOU. I WILL INTERVENE. You don't DO that.

The Elder Princess Ella is turning into quite the little artist AND she can read. Not Pride & Prejudice (yet) but close. :) Here's a sample of her latest artwork:

It's a picture of her playing Barbie & the 12 Dancing Princesses game for PS2 on the big TV while daddy sleeps on the sofa.

Mugged By Methodists

Now this isn't really as bad as it sounds. Far from it actually. The Elder Princess Ella had VPK (voluntary pre-kindergarden, paid for by the state, woohoo!) this summer at the local Methodist Church. As part of VPK, the kids took part in the VBS (Vacation Bible School) program for one week. The finale of VBS was on a Sunday and there was a luncheon hosted by the church. It's a really small church, and my Nana is a member there. So during the luncheon, the pastor dropped by our table and "mugged" us.



See? How lovely. So I have my new mug on my sewing desk as a receptacle for sewing pins and whatnot. I'd love to use it for coffee, but then I'd have to empty it.