Tofu-winkies

With apologies to The Vegan Lunchbox...

I had to try the Vegan Twinkies, not because I'm particularly veggie-inclined, but rather because they sounded interesting. I love a good recipe and I could care less what the philosophy behind it is. I'm a foodie. I admit it. So I downloaded the original recipe and went on a search for the ingredients I'd never seen before. Barley Malt Powder, anyone? I never could find the barley malt powder - not even at Whole Foods Market (which really ought to be called Whole Fools Market). I bought the Twinkie Pan at Bed Bath & Beyond and then promptly forgot to make the twinkies.

Me being the girl that I am, when I finally got around to actually making the twinkies, I had to experiment with the recipe before even trying the original. What can I say, it's a failing of mine to be insatiably curious about what things would taste like if...

So I used organic whole wheat flour in place of regular flour and replaced 30% of the total amount of flour with soy flour. I wanted them to be reaaaaaaaaaaaly healthy. And since I never was able to find barley malt POWDER, I used Malted Barley syrup. I think it came out ok. Here they are in all their radiant sinsoyful goodness:

They are a nice golden brown and so tasty. The filling came out great but I didn't fill them near as much as a regular twinkie would have been. Couldn't bring myself to do it.

The verdict on taste? Five out of five mouths agree that these things rock. From 13 months to 34 years old, everyone in the house (except the cat who didn't get any) loves them. They taste like food. Not like a vapid sweet thing that has no nutritional value. My husband - The Prince Consort - thinks they taste like an Indonesian cake desert thingy. So it's all good!

Dim Sum For Dummies

I love Dim Sum. So do the kids. Another thing I love is Smuckers Uncrustables. I've had a theory rolling around in my head for a while that given the right conditions and equipment, I could reproduce a reasonable facsimile of the aforementioned Uncrustables.

Well, my theory has been proven sound. I present for your viewing pleasure:

PB&J Potstickers

These were insanely easy to make and pretty tasty to boot. How to do this at home? Read on!

Ingredients:

• Sandwich bread of your choosing. Just make sure it's SOFT.
• Creamy Peanut (or other nut) Butter.
• Spreadable Fruit (I like Cascadian Farms Strawberry)

Equipment:

• Rolling pin
• Spreader
• Dumpling Press
• Round template/biscuit/cookie cutter

How to:

Cut out round shape from slice of bread:

Roll very thin with rolling pin:

Place on dumpling press & spread 1 tsp each of PB&J in exact center of bread:

Fold over dumpling press and press down to make a seal:

End Result:

Place in zip top bag in fridge or freezer until needed.

pediped shoes

Their claim is that they are the next best thing to bare feet. And they can make that claim shamelessly! Not only are they shoes excellent in quality and workmanship, there are enough styles for the fashionista in all our little ones.

Now let me say that BP (before pediped shoes), I was anti-soft-sole shoes. Not because I didn't believe the studies about them, but because they are the fugliest things I've ever seen. And I will not apologise for feeling that way about Robeez, Jack and Lily and their ilk. They look like leather socks. And I have a thing about socks. Can't stand 'em. So when an online acquaitance turned me on to pediped™, I was hooked. My only complaint is that I did not know about them when the girls were tiny because I could have spent a mint on them as many shoes as they've had.

Lorenzo has these three pairs:

I love these shoes. I will sing their praises from the rooftops. And I will buy more. Oh yes I will. Because you can never have too many pairs of shoes.

Let me also say these shoes are incredibly durable. The leather bottoms can take a beating and still look like new. The shoes are so well constructed that you can abuse them and they will last. Lorenzo wears a 0-6 months size at 13 months old. He's been wearing the brown and black ones since he was 6 months old and they look great. The leather is buttery soft despite being thrown in the bathtub! Don't ask. Lorenzo has a habit of throwing things into the bathtub while his sisters are bathing. Gel inserts for my shoes, books, his own shoes, you name it. So even with being completely submerged in bathwater, the shoes still look and wear great.

Murphy's Law

Is alive and well. Remember what I said about the puke carseat cover? Well, here's the 411, since I know you all are DYING to hear the adventures of the Barf-O-Matic 3000 (aka The Younger Princess Ella).

Since today wasn't the 1st Saturday of the Month (aka Jason-is-teaching-Kickboxing-class-today-day) and it isn't May yet (aka I-teach-ballroom-dancing-at-our-local-YMCA-on-Saturdays-starting-in-May), we decided to make a day of it and have Dim Sum down in our local Chinatown. One thing we can always count on is that the kids eat GOOD at Dim Sum. So many choices and everyone gets their favorites. After Dim Sum, I wanted Boba from our local Lollicup store. The Younger Princess Ella decided to share with me since no one else wanted any (a rare occurrence). So I procured a large Thai Milk Tea with Boba and brought it back to the car.

Earlier in the week, I'd had business in that part of town and meant to stop by this store. So, I convinced my husband to pull in and let me run in to see if I could jog my memory as to what I needed there. That proved to be an exercise in futility and so I returned to the car in under 5 minutes. In that short amount of time, The Younger Princess Ella had polished off about 2/3 of the Boba and was looking rather green. I barely had time to utter the words "You aren't going to throw up are you?" before, you guessed it, a flood of regurgitate Boba drink and Dim Sum spewed forth. So we pulled around the block, parked the car, de-pukified the back seat, the child, the carseat and ME and we went on our merry way. We're pros at this since she's done it before after Dim Sum and Boba.

Now you might think that this would be the end of our troubles... We were tooling down the highway in the left lane, kids are resting and I'm reading the autobiography of Apolo Anton Ohno (now available at my local Dollar Tree for a whopping buck) when all of the sudden...

That's right...

CAR TROUBLE! The car jerks like the tranny is slipping and the engine light comes on and bells start to ding. We get off the highway and onto the shoulder and turn the car off thinking that it's the oil thingy. I recently had an oil change at the local Mobil place (not a happy camper about that trip) and so we thought maybe we might be spilling oil. Tried to restart the car and NOTHING. Nada. Husband checks under the hood and wouldn't you know it... The timing belt broke (or so we think). Either way, the car is not driveable. The irony of this? I got the title in the mail yesterday. Sweet irony. We got our tax refund back April 18th.

So the Paid For PT Cruiser is sitting in the lot of our Chrysler dealer awaiting a diagnosis on Monday. And it may or may not be under warranty. So we may or may not get a rental car. I've got my fingers crossed, though. The fun begins on Monday morning when we have to cram 3 kids in car seats and two adults into a '94 Integra.

And this my children is why I'm tempted to take a thousand bucks and buy a junky looking car that runs decently and garage it "just in case".

Mini-Me

Mini-Metrosexual, that is.

I'll be honest. I LIKE the MS look. I like a guy who can comb his hair, knows how to dress to go out in public and has decent hygiene. Everyone* knows that THOSE are they guys that get all the girls. So, what's a mom to do? Groom their son from infancy to BE the guy that all the girls want. And I'm all over that like putih on nasi (aka white on rice). Now, I know it's what's on the INSIDE that really counts, but it can't hurt to have a nice exterior to go with.

Lorenzo already has the flirting part down. Twinkling eyes? Check! Lashes that go one for miles? Check! Charming smile? Check! So it's just a matter of grooming. He has some cute curl in his hair and so I'm experimenting with pin curls on the top. I'll post pictures of the result, but for now, here's the before:

As for clothing, I'm the mom who takes her 13 month old out in dress slacks, dress shoes and sweater vest to go to the cosmetics counter. See?

He wears a blazer and tie to Church. He uses as many hair care products as I do. And there's nothing wrong with that. When he's old enough for dance lessons, he'll be there, too. So don't be surprised when all the little girls in nursery school are swooning.

bumGenius Rocks Out Loud

I've blogged about how great these diapers are in the past. And I truly meant every word. Since then, DoulaJenn has released bumGenious v. 2.0 which I have yet to try. Reason? I've returned to the dark side of disposable diapering. Why? Houseguests. Houseguests who did so much laundry my head was spinning (not to mention the agitator on my washer) and I couldn't get int there to do the extra load or two per week. When was this? Ohhhhh December of 2006. Yup. It's officially been 5 months since I moved the diaper pail onto the back porch (full). Imagine if you will a diaper pail... It wasn't as foul as I had expected, actually. It stunk to high heaven, but if you consider that it's been out there since before Christmas and it's been in the 80s since February... I was expecting a lab experiment.

So, I dumped the whole affair into the washer, never kind the laundry tabs, never mind the velcro cuz I was SO NOT gonna touch it. Nuh uh. I had started the water and put a capful of Clorox bleach (the one with the pink label cuz it smells purty - that never hurts, right?)

1 oz. of Method laundry detergent (Morning Bloom Scent)

and up-ended the diaper pail into it the washer. The diaper bag,

a purple Bummis Tote, went in, too.

Set that sucker on SOAK and left it over night. It's a GOOD thing we didn't need to wash anything else the last couple of days... Fast forward to this afternoon (which is a story in itself) and I peeked in the washer. The water was BLACK. Opaque black. And it had STUFF floating in it. I couldn't tell what it was and there was no WAY in hell I was gonna stick my hands in it to find out, either.

I set the washer to PRE-WASH which basically agitates the fool out of the wash load and empties the water. No rinse. After the pre-wash cycle was over, I peeked in the washer. The covers looked GREAT but I couldn't see the Cotton Babies Microfiber Inserts as I'd left them inside the dipes. No problem. I will confess that the covers had some discoloration on some of them that seem to be from pee pee ammonia. But ya know what? Lorenzo isn't going to be going outside the house a la Madonna with his underwear as outerwear. So I don't care.

I threw the car seat cover and dress that had puke on them (that's the other story) in with the covers, ran a 14 minute wash cycle with 2 rinses using just the Method detergent. Result? Diapers that are clean enough to use - nay - look almost new! And a puke-free dress and car seat cover.

I don't know what the secret to the bumGenii are but I'm glad I invested in them. I truly thought I'd flushed a couple hundred bucks down the drain. So, folks, go out and buy some bumGenius! Now appearing at select Whole Foods Markets. Sadly, NOT the one that is local to me.

One Year Anniversary

How did it go by so fast? It's amazing to me that I've been blogging semi-regularly for a year. I'm quite astonished at myself. I'm not surprised that I haven't finished up with a few "series" of posts - such as What Not To Wear. I'm still trying to figure that out.

For those of you faithful readers, I'm ever greatful for your support.

Happy Birthday to My Blog!

Did you hear the one about the guy with a wooden leg named Smith?

I SO can NOT believe that Heather Mills got the boot from DWTS. America is bunch of bumbling idiots with no sense or sensibility. The fact that the WORST dancer in the history of dance is still on the show despite his lack of ability and his egregious crotch-watching and twitching just SLAYS me.

I'll say this now... BILLY RAY CYRUS MUST GO. His dancing (or lack thereof) is an affront to all that is good and holy. One must ask one's self if his lack of dance ability is natural and/or whether his teacher is competent as an instructor. There is a distinct difference between being a world-class DANCER and a world-class instructor.

In the meantime, I leave the following:

Pimp My Prince

As you know, seasonally The Mouse pimps out a princess to sell stuff, but has ANYONE noted the sheer LACK of PRINCES? Unless, of course, they are arm candy to a Princess. Here's a good idea for a reality show: Pimp My Princess... Oh wait... That's been done... It was called "The Bachelorette"....

Anyhow, I'd like to see the "Disney Prince Collection" with the manly specimens of Prince Charming The First (Snow White), Prince Charming the Second (Cinderella), Prince Phillip (Sleeping Beauty), Prince Eric (Little Mermaid), The Beast (Beauty and The Beast) & Aladdin.

Where are all the manly men???? I mean, those stories are irrelevant without the PRINCE!!!!

Where would Aurora be without Phillip? Still sleeping! That's where. Ditto Snow White with Prince Charming (who had one of the BEST songs ever - "One Song"). And Cinderella? She'd still be sweeping floors if the Prince didn't need a wife.

Ariel would still be shark bait if it weren't for having a crush on Eric. And Belle? She'd have been sold off to Gaston if it weren't for the Beast. Talk about everything in life happening for a reason... And Jasmine would have ended up with JAFAR if it weren't for her "street rat" Aladdin.

But now? Once they got their man and a leg up on society or released from the evil spell, they drop kicked good ol' Prince-y Boy like a bad habit. Is this what feminism has come to? Use 'em and lose 'em? Say it ain't so.

I'm starting to hear "Where Have All The Cowboys Gone" - Where Have All The Princes Gone? (With apologies to Paula Cole):

What’s a princess without a prince
Nothing but a window display
Sit around look pretty, isn’t it a pity
Haven’t got a thing to say
I will be so perfect if you slay all evils

CHORUS:

Where is my Prince Charming
Where is my Fairy Tale
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the princes gone

Farity tale world now, things in such whirl now
Princesses running amok
I don’t need no prince now, I’m such a big girl now
I think I’ll take a walk ‘round the block
I will be so perfect if you slay all evils

Chorus

Where is my Prince Charming
Where is my Fairy Tale
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the princes gone

I am wearing my new dress tonight
Thanks to my godmother fairy
Happy endings
Happy endings
Happy endings

Isn’t it a pity that we have to look so pretty
It’s like the world revolves around us
Girl Power! Don’t you know
We each have our own show
Who needs a prince to help out the plot?
I will be so perfect if you slay all evils

Chorus

Where is my Prince Charming
Where is my Fairy Tale
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the princes gone

Where is my righteous man
Where is his shiny sword
Where is my handsome stranger
Where have all the princes gone
Where have all the princes gone
Where have all the princes gone

See, the crazy thing is, you can dress up as a Disney VILLAIN if you are a boy or you can dress up as Peter Pan, but if you want to dress up as a sword weilding, princess catching, ballroom dancing, make all the girls swoon hottie? Tough luck kid!

My proposal to The Powers That Be at Mouse-Central is to release the appropriate PRINCE stuff at the same time they release the Princess junk merchandise. I'd happily pay for it!!! My poor son is relegated to having Snow White as his assigned Princess Movie on account of I've got dibs on Cinderella (I-III), the Elder Princess Ella has The Little Mermaid and the Younger Princess Ella has Sleeping Beauty. The Yet-To-Be Princess Ella (another story in itself) gets Beauty and the Beast because she is color-coded YELLOW. Don't ask. So Prince Lorenzo has been nicknamed "Prince Charming" and gets Snow White and the Seven Mutant Miners Dwarves.

BRING BACK THE PRINCES!!!!!! Say it loud and proud: I'm a man with a sword and I KNOW how to use it! I protect the weak, can dance like an angel and still not break a sweat even while defeating the forces of evil!

Dancing With The Stars

Since I've made it fairly obvious in the past I'm a ballroom dancer, it should come as no surprise that I'm a big fan of DWTS (Mondays, ABC 8pm). So the following victims err celebrities are left:

• Laila Ali
• Billy Ray Cyrus
• Ian Ziering
• Heather Mills
• Joey Fatone
• Apolo Anton Ohno
• John Ratzneberger

I'll be honest. Billy Ray sucks. He's got a 25 cent version of Kid Rock happening and it isn't working for me. That and the fact that he's the WORST dancer I've ever seen in my entire career. I've never met a guyI coudn't teach to dance, but I bet he'd be MY Waterloo. I'm surprised Karina hasn't lost it already.

After last night's show, I'll give you my prognostications of who is going to be in the final:

Laila Ali & Apolo Anton Ohno. Hands down.

What slays me is that the worst dancers get the worst music. It's like the producers are out to get them or something. Has anyone else noticed this? And for pity's sake, Paso Doble is Paso Freaking Doble. Don't try to use some modern shinola music and try to pass it off as Paso. We aren't being fooled and it only makes the couples themselves look like fools.

As far as choreography goes, even my 4 year old knows you don't bare your bloomers to the world. She had a choice comment for Karina's handstand and Billy Ray's assessment of her assets: "She shouldn't have DONE that!!!"

Please please please - a little more dancing and a little less flash and trash.

Catholic Church Architecture

While some people detest the more modern buildings that have been on the rise (pun intended) since the venerable Second Vatican Council, I would posit that there is really nothing wrong with modern architecture in sacred spaces. In fact, I will go so far as to say that the more simple the design, the more we are drawn upward. For some, this may not be the case, but as I think of the comments I've heard about how a more "traditional" space "feels" more like Church, I can only say that perhaps we focus too much on the outer and not enough on the inner?

Our Islamic brethren carry the doctrine that one can not make any representational art of Allah. Their architectural styles are simple and clean with repeating geometric patters to reflect the nature of God. While I don't necessarily share the dogmatic belief that we are NEVER to create representational art of the Creator, I can see how a more simple design can draw us closer.

My own parish is a Spanish-style Church. The Gothic architecture of some "newer" Churches does nothing for ~me~. I am comfortable with the Spanish-style acrchitecture with the red tile roof and the adobe/stucco walls. It's familiar and indigenous to our area of the country. I can intellectually appreciate the beauty of flying buttresses, but they are not the "norm" in our area. To some, our Church probably isn't as "nice" or "reverent" as some others because the walls are fairly plain. The building was built in the early 30s after the original wooden building (c. 1800) burned down.

So here's my challenge to you gentle reader: If you belong to the group that is critical - yes, even to the point of snottiness - of Church architecture that goes against YOUR preconceived notion of how it "should be", get over yourselves. Look for the good and beautiful in the simplicity. Because frankly, if you are so uptight that you "can't worship" in a space that doesn't meet your checklist of do's and don't's, then the problem isn't with the space, it's with you. Christ is present even if you don't "feel" it.